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completing homework assignments without being nagged completing chores, such as doing yard work, cleaning their rooms or helping to prepare meals, that contribute to the family's well being As children grow up, they need to learn to take more and more responsibility for such things as: A sense of responsibility is formed over time.
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We are not born knowing how to act responsibly. If you set high standards for yourself and treat others with kindness and respect, your child stands a better chance of following your example. As adolescents explore possibilities of who they may become, they look to their parents, peers, well-known personalities and others to define who they may become. Try to live the behavior and values that you hope your child will develop. Young adolescents need strong role models. (For more information on setting limits, see the Independence section.)īeing a role model. "Do it because I said so" probably didn't work for your son when he was 6 and it's even less likely to work now that he's an adolescent. However, authoritative parents, who set limits that are clear and come with explanations, tend to struggle less with their adolescents. Their children are at risk for a range of negative behavioral and emotional consequences. Authoritarian parents who lay down hard-and-fast rules and expect their children to always do as they are told or permissive parents who have very few rules or regulations and give their children too much freedom are most likely to have the most difficult time as parents. By studying about findings from more than 20 years of research, she and her colleagues have found that to be effective parents, it's best to avoid extremes. She puts it this way, "They need parents who can say, 'No, you cannot go to the mall all day or to movies with that group of kids." Psychologist Diana Baumrind identifies three types of parents: authoritarian, permissive and authoritative. Department of Education's Principal-in-Residence (2000) and president of the National Association of Elementary School Principals. Carole Kennedy is a former middle school principal, U.S. Limits keep all children, including young teens, physically and emotionally safe. Young adolescents need parents or other adults who consistently provide structure and supervision that is firm and appropriate for age and development. Young adolescents need adults who are there for thempeople who connect with them, communicate with them, spend time with them and show a genuine interest in them.
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They need encouragement to develop interests and personal characteristics. They need praise when they've done their best. Young adolescents need support as they struggle with problems that may seem unimportant to their parents and families. According to school counselor Carol Bleifield, "Parents can love their children but not necessarily love what they doand children need to trust that this is true." This is how they learn to care for and love others. But these feelings are different from not loving our children. We may also feel miserable because we become angry or upset. When our children behave badly, we may become angry or upset with them. Across these differences, however, research has shown that being effective parents involves the following qualities: Americans have different ideas and priorities, which can affect how we choose to raise our children. As her interests develop and deepen, she may begin to teach youhow to slug a baseball, what is happening with the city council or county board or why a new book is worth reading.Īmerica is home to people with a great variety of attitudes, opinions and values. As your middle school child makes mental and emotional leaps, your conversations will grow richer. These changes can be rewarding and welcome. Your relationship with your child may change-in fact, it almost certainly must changehowever, as she develops the skills required to be a successful adult. By the time he reaches adolescence, you and he will have had years of experience with each other the parent of today's toddler is parent to tomorrow's teenager. A good relationship with you or with other adults is the best safeguard your child has as he grows and explores. But your young adolescent needs as much attention and love from you as he needed when he was youngerand maybe more. Parents often become less involved in the lives of their children as they enter the middle grades. What can I do to be a good parent for my early adolescent child? Being an Effective Parent - Helping Your Child Through Early Adolescence